The writers game

Well I did it. 

A couple of days ago I buckled up the courage and clicked that daunting 'send' button, submitting my manuscript for a new book.

By the end of the day I discovered that it was approved for the ‘E’ version.

Hoo-rah! 

But, now a more painful task awaits me. I get to wait out the gruesome days until I am informed whether or not the very same manuscript will be accepted by the publisher for print and I can actually, someday, hold a copy of my own work in my hands. 

I’ve already checked my email at least a dozen times. No email from him yet.

Even better than that, if it does get approved then I get to force feed my friends and family this glorious information. At which point I also get to start groveling and begging these poor people to help me force feed my book to everyone they know who might, even remotely, be interested in what I have to write about. 

Now all the self doubt that I have been denying myself for weeks as I worked myself into a fit, finishing and polishing this love of mine, has come to the forefront in full force. I had a sleepless night last night, lying in my comfy bed wondering quietly “Why would anyone that knows me want to read what I’ve written? What have I done?”

I must be realistic. It’s a work of fiction. A story I thought up, a place I invented, told about people who only exist inside my mind. Do I think it’s a good story? Yes, I really do. 

Can I convince other people that it’s a good story? I’m really not sure.  

Not until I get someone else to actually read it. I understand and accept that I am a writer, I am not a salesperson and I am not good at publicizing my work. 

I can only hope that out of the billions, yes billions, of people living on this planet right now, that some of them would have the same taste in books that I do and find it to be just a wonderful as I think it is.  That's plausible and realistic. Right? 

God, I can’t think about this anymore right now.

I’m going to go sit outside for a while with a hot cup of something and watch as autumn falls away and winter tries to arrive. I need to avoid my computer for some time today.

I’ve checked my email again since starting this entry. 

Thanks for listening,

S.J.